Worst Day Possible

Well, turns out that one villian in India is matched by another in Londion. Spent the day in an agony of waiting for word from him (of all things) or from S; neither one provided much. I called S when I shouldn't have, and forget to use the calling card, so there is trail back now, should her mother actually be there.

Then I talked to Ranu, and her mother was just given a week to live, and then died later that night. So, change of plans now to attend the funeral.

Everything is dying.

Terrible Day

One of the top ten worst days of my life. Things have crumbled. I am uncertain. I fear that I will wake up in Yellowknife a month or so from now and wonder what has become of me.

Night At the Beach

I've been working a bit on Barry's divorce. Did the first run at his affidavit based on an outline from Ratcliff. Tired of it.

Christopher is getting settled into his new place in North Vancouver.

I am reading The God Of Small Things, which is very good, and makes me jealous, but sometimes not, as different styles and forms of narrative, etc. are good. Right now my narrative is rather thin and flat, partly by accident, as I am racing towards the main story line, but perhaps also by choice. Anyway, The God of Small Things is a very impressive book, especially for a first novel.

I have the letter and attachments ready now to support Ananya's application for the visitor visa. Just need the new address in Mumbai.

Tonight around 9:00 pm I met Chris and Regina and we went to Jericho beach. How can I describe the beauty of it? The night was warm, the breeze was light, very light. At Jericho we are on the south shore of English Bay towards the west end of the Bay. Turning right, you can see the bright lights and office towers of downtown. Straight ahead, the coastal mountains, and the houses and lights of North And West Vancouver sprinkled on them. Even in the near darkness, the setting sun still sends light up behind the mountains, especailly towards the western end of Bay. Due west, there is the narrow outlet of the bay into the ocean and that gap is red from the setting sun. The sand on the beach is hazy and indistinct in the twilight, but the water of the bay reflects the dying light quite wonderfully. And I could see the dark and gently bobbing heads of Chris and Regina very distinctly as they swam out a hundreds yards or more in to the bay. The conversations on the beach were quiet and muted, the end of a long day of steady sunshine taking its effect it would seem. I swam only a bit, thought I was cold and went back to the beach. Just as well, as I can not swim nearly so well as Chris and Regina. Then Chris made a tent type thing so that Regina could change on the beach. Then we talked. Chris scolding me, gently but firmly, on all plans that don't involve going to Yellowknife.

Almost Fainted

Well, continuing on with the intensive stints at the gym. This morning I almost fainted in the shower after, it would seem, over-exercising. However, the afternoon session went fine. Using a new machine ... elipitical motion, which is easier on the knee and seems to chew through calories much faster than the stairclimber thing.

It is so beautiful walking up Commercial in the early summer morning towards the gym, with the sun shining and everything looking green and nice.

Dropped off the first 40 handwritten pages of the novel for Jen tonight over in North Vancouver. She said that she has always wanted type fiction but never had the chance before.

Helping a friend Barry with his divorce. I think he may be in trouble.

Two A Day

Well, I am exercising at the Spartacus gym twice a day now. Doesn't seem to be doing any harm to my bad left knee, but probably isn't doing any good either. Need to lose five more pounds.

I was standing beside a very handsome young man (might have been Indian) at the gym the other day. Very tall. Very muscular but still gave the impression of being slender (unlike some of these puffy body builder types that you see there).

Still having a very tough time to log in to post at this site.

Ran into my friend Kim from law school on the street tonight and had a nice chat with him.

Gave blood the other day. If I go to the UK for any length of time then I can no longer give blood in Canada. Of course, I've made over 50 donations in the course of my life-time, so maybe that is enough anyway.

Chris has now moved into Des's place, which is nice. However, there was a bit of a disaster where he had to kick in the door to his room (or thought he did) when the key he was given didn't work. Now the doorframe has to be replaced.

Have an appointment with Jen tomorrow to drop off the pages at her place tomorrow night. Think this chapter might be a good short story entry into the CBC contest. Going well, but going too slow.

Sigma sent a message with a different tone the other day. Almost encouraging me to come to the UK it seemed.

I wounder what "arrey" means.

Main Library is Open

The main library at UBC is open at 8:00 am, so maybe I will go out that way in order to force myself to pay more attention to writing. I will be spending money and shouldn't come back before noon. Which is plenty of time. Main library has nice quiet spots to write, including the funny little foyer thing they have down by the main washrooms. Wonder if it is still like that.

I should send a message down to Deb in California. And a letter to Leigh and Mike in Williams Lake.

Terrible Time

I'm having a terrible time logging into this website.

Chris Young came by today and got me to go to his new house and help him get prepared to paint and so on. This was all a bit of surprise as I didn't know that he was moving. So we worked away and I talked a lot about what has been going on with me, and the emotional going away party speech, and the trying to write every day, and trying to get a job in UK, and about the Yellowknife job offer. He is in favour of Yellowknife and thinks I should abandon the idea of trying to stay with Sigma.

I went to the gym late in the day, but then was able to write for an hour or so in the golden light of early evening in the park. Going okay. More tomorrow so there will be a handful of stuff to give to Jen.

I feel better about perhaps going to Yellowknife now.

Another Day

Got up at 5:30 am. Checked the computer for UK e-mails about law jobs. Then eventually wandered over to the gym. Have to heft quite a pack now, as I don't have a locker at the place where I can leave things.

The machines at the new gym don't tell you the calories and stuff when you are done, which is a bit annoying.

Went to the Cafe Deux Soliel for breakfast and hoping to an hour or so of writing in as well. I did write a bit, and the breakfast was good, but the place got too full and noisey after a while. I re-read my copy of the long letter. Started on a poem, "My Love Is A Bell". Started it one way, then took another tact. I think it makes the text more dense, more rich, more complex.

Novel is okay. Just need to create more pages for Friday.

Have to play guitar with the boys tonight.

Bank account is empty. Makes me glad the Yellowknife job is there.

Chris Young called.

Exercise At Last

Went to the Spartacus gym on Commercial today, and feel much better because of it. Had to wait until 9 am when I could buy a lock for the locker at the hardware store across the street (24-30-12). My level of anxiety has lowered a bit. Will go earlier tomorrow. It was a bit crowded when I was there.

Spent much of the afternoon applying for lawyer jobs in the UK. A couple seem pretty cool and we will see what happens. I suppose I should just go over there. But, of course, it is not so easy as that, what with Ananya coming and so on.

Doing all the laundry too today. So not much time to write. But I did read the 10 pages of the California novel done a few months back and liked it very much. When I give Jen the pages from the Joanne novel on Friday, then I can work on the California text. Need to put more time into writing each day! Really, I do.

Mailed the letter to Ananya. Funny, I had decided not to, and then a whim came over me and I decided I should -- just to do it. Just to get the thing tidy and away and not lying around in front of me. Didn't read it again or anything. I think the letter makes me look desperate and beseeching, and likely as not that will make me less desirable in Ananya's eyes. Which was more or less the opposite of the reason for writing. But: Done. Done. Done.

Tomorrow I will take my little box of writing materials down to the cafe after I am finished at the gym. Should be able to do lots. I know the table I want to use. A little rain has come back to Vancouver.

So, the GNWT in Yellowknife are now to send me a formal letter of offer. Which is comforting as until I get that and accept that I suppose the deal is not done. I need to think if leaving Vancouver to go up there is really the best. The same as for London, I suppose, but that seems a more positive step somehow, even if it is sure to lead to heart-ache.

The knee is feeling good tonight, although had me a little worried at the gym earlier.

Just called London. 5:00 am there. Let it ring twice and then hung up.

Nervous

Accepted the Yellowknife job last night by e-mail, but really wondering if I want to go up there.

Applied for a bunch of law jobs in England last night. Got two rejections in the morning e-mail.

May not mail letter to Gamma.

Frustrated at the amount of junk in the house. Not ready to move. Can't seem to clean.

Off to exercise at new gym. Have to buy lock first.

First Day

Wedding yesterday went well. My nephew Oliver is off to visit his friend in Germany whose wife recently had a baby. Such a changing of the generations. The first of all the cousins from myself and my two sisters and one brother to marry. My mother looked frail and a little elderly at the reception, but animated and energetic.

This morning I set the alarm for 6:30 am. Was still sleepy but got up. I want to ensure a certain routine and discipline; I need to avoid lethargy and its close associate depression.

I went down to the Cafe Deux Soliel -- too bad it only opens at 8:00 am. Got a coffee (which still has me wired ... oddly, seems to affect me less if I have sugar with it, but don't want to do that). Luckily the writing went well, but man it is tiring and tedious by hand, although, truly, it is not easy anyway that you do it. But I have the next scene in my mind. The Oscar character is coming to life.

This morning I saw a couple pressed happily together on one side of small booth. Prompted a poem on my part. Also allowed me to recall the plot outline for a novel that had come to me a day or so ago and left me only with the memory of the idea, and not the content of the idea. Might be a short story ("Close My Eyes"). CBC literary contest maybe.

Went by the Spartucus gym. Have to find a new place, now that I can't exercise at the little gym at work (well, the place that use to be work). Can pay monthly with a credit card. I'm so shy that I have to steel myself to go someplace new. They have lots of machines. Need a lock for a day locker. They open at 5:30 am each morning, which is good.

Long Letter

Very last day at work ... have now left my electronic pass card on the office manager's desk. Left Chris's guitar strap and my tuner in the cradenza.

Printed out the Joanne/Colorado and California novels and will hand-write each morning and send to Jen. Think I know how the plot will go. The female doctor character is insisting on getting a bigger role.

Wrote a long letter to Gamma. Can't send it until Tuesday, as Monday is a holiday. So I will consider over the next day or so whether or not to mail it. Probably will.

Have to decide whether to take the Yelllowknife job or not. Maybe I need to throw myself into the writing thing to have any chance to succeed at it.