Movie & September Morning

Watched Sideways with Sa. Very nice. Pork chops for dinner.

Three bottles of wine consumed.

At one point I described the reader page with the "Dick and Jane" style colour illustrations of students moving up towards an archetypical schoolhouse (from the '50s, but the archetype is not confined to that era). Students walking in twos and threes, no cars, but as well a lone bike rider or two (a dog as well??). I told her how I identified with the 10 or 11 year old boy on the bike. Falling leaves. How the introductory chapter of the reader was supposed to be, I think, cheery and optomistic about a new school year, but how for me it became -- either instantly or with the passage of time, I can't be sure -- a melancholy image. How it represents both the death of the summer, but also (and here I think I fell down under the influence of the wine) the transitory nature of the real school year, and then years. How one is propelled out the other end of that abstraction of school, into the peculiar singularity of one's banal and oh too solid life, while the colourful characters (the literally colourful characters) in the illustration need never fear that ultimate death. They live in the endless soft sunlight of that September morning.

In Sideways - the unpublishable book is about a man carrying for his father after a stroke. Maybe I should keep faith with Miles and write it? All about Tsawwassen of course.

First Email After Felony, And After Telephone Call Interupted By Liberty/Jade and Pizza

Dearest Sweetheart Sh,

Thank you for your words of concern regarding CB. He does seem in very bad shape just now.

I do need to call you most every day - at least I very much want to. I've made a very big mistake in allowing time and distance to slide in between us, and I won't make that mistake again. However, what you want is also important.

I shouldn't be threatening you - that is the last thing I should ever do, it is the thing that least expresses my love for you. But I was afraid of losing you after I behaved so very badly on June 9th, and I guess I felt I had to do something, anything to prevent that. But I do crave the tenderness between us that I have disrupted with my bad behaviour.

So, I am trying to quiten down my erratic emotions a bit. One thing that would help was if you were actually truthful with me. The not knowing what is going on greatly increases my anxiety.

I do love you very much. I want to visit you again, in Atlanta or in London. And not just visit once more, or anything like that, but many times. As I tried to say on the telephone the other day, when I see you, when I watch you move and walk, and hear your voice, I know with a swelling certainty that you are the women for me. Really. I am very, very convinced on that point. Everything else in my life takes second place to that conviction.

R

Back

Back in Yellowknife after 4 days in Whitehorse. Both Fred and Charlene were met by spouse and infant child at the airport. Mike and I had to share a taxi home. Sigh.

184 pounds, so I didn't gain too much weight, even with drinking beer most nights with Fred.

A bit of a scare with Christopher: he lost his job and was in the hospital briefly, but he is alright. It all happened on Monday but I didn't find out until Tuesday morning because I was travelling.

Spoke with Shaunett most days I was there, but ran out of calling card minutes on Thursday.

New, new

184.6 pounds this morning.

850 calories, 60 minutes.

Talked with Shaunett on the telephone for 60 minutes yesterday. This morning when I got back to the apartment from the gym, she was on MSN messenger for the first time in several months. Very odd. We chatted for a while. She was snippy at times.

Later, I thought about it a bit and I have decided I have been too lacks, too casual. Need to push myself into her life more. Which seems odd, given the problems that have arisen recently, but still I think it is true.

A glimpse of the shape of her perfect breasts. Her pony tail is always over her left shoulder to cover a largish vacination scar there.

Shaunett smiling about something. She has in her hands, I believe, a chocolate pudding that she brought with her along with chicken stew one day.

Shaunett in my room at the Lonsdale Lodge looking gorgeous. Late May 2005.  

Waiting for the train from Cambridge to London, June 2005. The girl on the right was the travelling companion of the girl who is taking the picture. Shaunett had disregarded my entreaty for her to smile for the camera. 

Phone Call

Got Sh on the 5563 line. 11:15 pm London time. Only spoke for a moment. She said that Liberty wanted to use the phone. I said okay, I would phone back later. She said, "no, I am going to sleep". I asked if she had slept better the night before. She said, "yes, a bit". I said good and that I would call tomorrow, good-bye.

Of course, she was on the other phone, the long distance phone. She had only answered the internal line as she might have feared it was her parents. But she needed to get back to the other phone, that is the reason for the lie about Liberty, and the lie about going to sleep. Who was she talking to? Could be one of a number of people I suppose. Frank, of course, but any number of others.

Disaster

184 pounds yesterday when I stumbled in from the airport.

London was a disaster. In multiple ways.

Have to write a review of the new Wong Kar-Wei movie.