Tired

In Edmonton public library. Missed the mandatory drinking session. Still tired. Need to eat. KFC probably, although not as good here as in Trinidad with the spice and such.

Nice email from S.

Calculating the distance to Whyte Avenue and a new guitar.

Went to the gym in the hotel. Got a knee brace for the other knee. Sweat as it is hot in the little exercise room near the hotel pool.

Edmonton

In Edmonton with the GNWT. Weather is mild, thank goodness. Work is okay, although they make you go and drink most nights.

Finally got the adored and adorable S on the phone. Her mother is there from the 17th.

Have to call family members regarding trip to Trinidad.

Staying in another hotel on Friday, then another on Saturday in Calgary. All very confusing.

Still have to edit story and send to A and print and mail to Vancouver.

In public libray in Edmonton. Sigh.

Leaving Town

A little frantic trying to get ready when the dryers here aren't working.

Haven't told Mom and little brother about going to Trinidad yet.

Suggested to S that she and her mom got to the National Gallery in London and see an exhibit of paintings by Raphael.

Want to buy a guitar in Edmonton, maybe.

Can't believe it

I was writing a christmas letter to my sister this morning, just before noon, when Roy my boss came by and said "do you want to go to Edmonton next week?" Well, yes, of course. But that also got me out of YK just before Christmas.

So, I tried to figure out if I could get to Trinidad. And I could. Also using my westjet credit from the failed flight from Ottawa. Now flying from Edmonton to Calgary, and then on Continental to Houston and on to POS.

Ranu is happy. But a weird thing happened. S. came online about 6:00 pm my time - she has the flu - told me she had her UK visa extended, gave me heck for quite a while about asking for the web cam back (justifiably, of course), but then, eventually, during a long conversation she eventually said she still loved me (!!!), but also she didn't want me to get hurt when she gets married.

Talked about the dream, the sleep walk that she is in.

She said I was her jealous boyfriend, which made me happy, to be described that way.

Weakness

Two a day: 625 calories in the morning. 450 in the afternoon. Feeling weak tonight, a little.

Asked S for webcam back. Made her angry of course (is that what I was hoping for?). Tomorrow she has her interview for the extension of her UK student visa.

Letter to Blair. Christmas Cards.

Chili for dinner. Apple pie.

Coach Lombardi

At the gym twice, 86.6 kilos.

Took the guitar in for repair. Dropped off the Italian shirt and the stinky comforter at the dry cleaners. Bought the new U2 cd, and signed up at their site. World tour in 2005, they say. Me and Sya perhaps.

Nothing from S. I'm greiving I think. Can't believe it. How could this happen? My love continues unchanged, while hers -- every bit as intense as mine -- has collapsed at the mere touch of an American medical student. But maybe it was never there? Can't believe that.

Asking A for help editing a chapter for the Prism magazine. I hope that is productive. I think it will be.

$4,500 to fly to Bangalore.

Overplay

Seinfeld: oversqueeze. But here, with me, it was an overplay.

Wrung a tentative, hedged, and conditional agreement from S last night to consider a Canadian visa if all else fails, then, today, spent most of the day reading the Citizenship and Immigration Canada manuals online. Chatted with S, joked about her now bigger butt, only then I launched in an explanation why her fiancee visa won't work, etc., etc. Wanting her to come to Vancouver and get married instead. I had it all figured out. But, of course, she doesn't want anything like that. Either she doesn't love me or ... love is not related to marriage. Anyway, she is truly peeved at me again. I suppose I am out on the pirates plank again looking fearfully down at the sharks.

Went to the gym twice. 600 calories in the morning. 425 in the evening. Different crowd in the evening, by the way.

My snow boots are causing hair loss and swelling on my ankles, which is a bit bizarre.

Joined the U2 website. Maybe they are going to make a big tour in 2005.

Death of the Sun

So, it is 2:45 in the afternoon. And the sun is starting to set.

It about minus 30. As I look out the window of Jeremy's office on the seventh floor I can see much of the southern half of the city, and every building has a steaming plume coming up out of
the roof, evidence of the heating system hard at work. So much energy gets burned away each day, keeping the inside of all the office buildings, commercial spaces, not to mention homes, warm and livable. Because you can't live very long at these temperatures without a lot of aritifical heat.

As I look out it is bright. The sun is white, the sky is mainly clear. The sun goes down early and it gets distorted and big as it gets near the hazy skyline. Oh, then it tilts into the wispish and curling landscape, losing its invulnerability to the cold; falling, and giving out a scattered and reddish light in a longish, lingering death.

WIMPS Again

600 calories, arrived at the gym same time as the aerobics leader girl .... she was commenting on the cold (-44 at that point, with the windchill). 87.4 kilos

Threw away the half eaten bag of Halloween chocolate bars. Sigh.

Ate half an apple pie with a bunch of cheese for lunch. Quite good. And the coffee too.

No reply from S. I want to write two other messages, one on her forgiving herself, and one on "Rick just be in love with the idea of being in love". But I think I will wait until the adorable one makes her reply.

Watched most of a documentary last night on the female serial killer they executed down in Florida a few years back. The filmmaker thought she was nuts, and she certainly looked like it at times.

Putting the first part of the Colorado novel together to send to Deb in California. Bought a read pen to mark up the draft I printed out. Going to add a Bob Cranston bit and have to change part two now that there is a reason for Bob and Victor to know each other. Potentially, the plot will be much improved and made more 'tightly wound' for the reader. I hope so. I am going to let the woman doctor character grow bigger, and take more of the lead when the story finally comes down to Colorado. She may act out Victor's role in the sex scenario, seducing the Colorado character (names are failing me here).

Long Message

611 calories (was watching something interesting on tv). 86.9 kilos.

Was Scrooge in a skit at the MAA Christmas party. Wanted to buy a beaver pelt at the auction, but did not.

Wrote a long message to S., trying to explain why I am relieved having figured out that I, myself created the problem that I was so exercised about. I really don't know if she will understand or how she will respond. The big thing is to get her to forgive herself.

Day by Day

600 Calories. 87.5 kilos.

Message from S., surprisingly quick response. Maybe mostly because she wanted to comment on proto-asthma.

Went to a lecture Susan Haley on the Emile Petitot, 19th century missionary priest in the northwest territories.