Zadie on the weakness of the rational

From Zadie Smith, On Beauty (2005):

"If he's touched -- " began Michael, and Howard, over and above the madness of the conversation itself, began to feel genuinely afraid of him. The flight from the rational, which was everywhere in evidence in the new century, none of it had surprised Howard as it had surprised others, but each new example he came across - on the television, in the street and now in this young man - weakened him somehow. His desire to be involved in the argument, in the culture, fell off. The energy to fight the philistines, this is what fades.

Sherry Simon's Book

From Bright Lights, Big City by Jay McInerney (1984).

"You ask her is she wants to stay for another drink, and she asks what you want to do. Eventually you ascend the stairs to the street. You think of Plato's pilgrims climbing out of the cave, from the shadow world of appearances toward things as they really are, and you wonder if it is possible to change in this life." (page 93)

So, another example.

Dream

I had a long dream last night. I was living near a highway and had to get somewhere. I think it was near Savona BC, maybe. But most of the first part of the dream is gone.

But the second part of the dream is very clear. I was walking with a bunch of people waiting to cross the highway at a traffic light where another road connected. Most of the people I couldn't see, but I knew they were there. However, I could see two very young children. Maybe two or three years old. One was slightly bigger and holding the hand of the other. One child had very blonde hair. The light changed and the group of people started to cross. I kept an eye on the two children as no other adult seemed to close to them. All of a sudden, as we were about half way across the street, the two children start to move faster and off to the left, to cross to the far side of the highway without completing the crossing of the secondary road first. I moved to follow them to try and keep them safe. A woman's voice came out from behind me, saying something to the children, asking them to be careful, but not saying they should stop. It occured to me that the children were near home and were hurrying now to get home. They knew where they were. There was no traffic and we all get across the highway safely. The children went faster and faster, they were no longer holding hands. I eventually had to start jogging to keep with them. One was slightly ahead of the other. They were paying no attention to me. They had home in their sights, as it seemed to me. My knee was not hurting and I felt I could jog beside them as long as it was needed. Then the two children turned into birds and flew away.

The blond hair of the one child reminds me of the little girl that SH and I saw in the underground train in London a couple of years ago. The two little boys are also around the age of L down in Trinidad. It is sort of like my older son, C, as he was 18 years ago or so, running with his half-brother. It is also has shades of my two older children, daughter and son, around the time we were living near Savona. Running for home. Of course, it is me that destroyed that home, in a way. Then they turn into birds and dissapear; being beside them, they came to no harm, sort of, and none they are free, or is it me? How many ways can my conscience find to rebuke me? Many.

Funny How

SH is not a home in London. Funny how I could tell that last week. I believe she is in New York meeting the Pakistani doctor.

Figured out how to properly hang my guitar in the guitar stand - it only took 5 months and a trip back to the music store.

Don't be Grumpy

Fri Nov 03 19:15:54 2006[19:15]

[19:15] SH: Hey
[19:16] bad_lawyer57: ;)
[19:16] SH: I am starving
[19:16] bad_lawyer57: hello sweetums
[19:16] SH: so thought i have some food
[19:16] bad_lawyer57: really?
[19:16] SH: yes
[19:16] bad_lawyer57: good
[19:16] bad_lawyer57: yes
[19:16] bad_lawyer57: eat lots my lover
[19:16] SH: i get hungry weird hours
[19:16] bad_lawyer57: yes, darling
[19:16] bad_lawyer57: you need a baby to give you more regular hours[19:16] SH: lucky for me, i can eat all hrs
[19:17] bad_lawyer57: yes :)
[19:17] SH: since i do not gain weight easily
[19:17] bad_lawyer57: yes :)
[19:17] bad_lawyer57: hmmmm, yes :)
[19:17] bad_lawyer57: you are slender as beauty itself
[19:17] bad_lawyer57: you drive me mad with desire!
[19:17] bad_lawyer57: as you know!
[19:18] SH: lol - do not know about the slender as beauty itself
[19:18] bad_lawyer57: yes !... oh yes ... :)
[19:19] SH: i so glad its friday
[19:19] bad_lawyer57: yes, me too
[19:20] bad_lawyer57: I feel asleep at 9 pm last night
[19:20] SH: u r a workaholic
[19:20] bad_lawyer57: ha ha ... a little bit
[19:20] bad_lawyer57: I do get drawn into the things I do, but you are the most important thing in my life
[19:20] bad_lawyer57: :)
[19:21]SH: I am so glad u like this job
[19:21] bad_lawyer57: yes, it is good
[19:21] bad_lawyer57: many of the people are very nice
[19:21] bad_lawyer57: I would like you to meet one woman I work with in particular ... Her name is *i**
[19:21] bad_lawyer57: she is very, very sweet
[19:22] bad_lawyer57: she started the same time as I did
[19:22] bad_lawyer57: she is Indian, as you can tell, by the name
[19:22] SH: yes
[19:22] bad_lawyer57: I think you would like her very much... and my biggest boss ***, is very nice too ... very smart and amusing
[19:23] bad_lawyer57: he seems to like me too, as well
[19:23] SH: where is *i** from?
[19:23] bad_lawyer57: Well, I'm not sure. I think she might be from Canada
[19:23] bad_lawyer57: but she has a bit of an accent, so maybe she came here when she was young
[19:24] SH: how old is she?
[19:24] bad_lawyer57: oh - around your age, I would think, but I don't know much about her, in that sense, just that she is very nice to deal with at work
[19:25] SH: ohhhhhhhhhh - that young!
[19:25] bad_lawyer57: ha ha
[19:25] SH: :-P
[19:25] bad_lawyer57: I don't know, maybe a little older than you
[19:25] SH: lol
[19:25] bad_lawyer57: I am not a good judge of age! :)
[19:25] SH: i m glad ur boss like u
[19:25] bad_lawyer57: yes, that is good
[19:26] bad_lawyer57: he is nice too, he is around 40 or so
[19:27] SH: ok
[19:27] bad_lawyer57: most of the supervisors are nice, but some of the people at my level are kind of disgruntled
[19:27] bad_lawyer57: and not that enthusiastic
[19:27] SH: Very different than **cliff
[19:27] bad_lawyer57: oh, in a way
[19:28] bad_lawyer57: yes, things were rough at the end
[19:28] bad_lawyer57: but, even there, I have friends still
[19:28] SH: ohhhhhhhhhh
[19:28] SH: i remember
[19:28] SH: that mean man made u cry
[19:28] SH i do not like him
[19:29] bad_lawyer57: oh!!!
[19:29] bad_lawyer57: well, I did break down, but that was from stress and frustration
[19:29] bad_lawyer57: not because he was particularly mean to me
[19:30] bad_lawyer57: it was very frustrating to be wanting to do a better job, but just feeling too tired and exhausted to do that
[19:30] bad_lawyer57: :)
[19:30] bad_lawyer57: so, I am better now, and it all worked out for the best
[19:30] SH: yes
[19:30] SH: i m proud of u
[19:30] bad_lawyer57: good! :) great! :)
[19:31] SH: u bounce back well
[19:31] bad_lawyer57: and even at ***cliff, all my big cases turned out perfectly for the clients, if not for me!!
[19:31] bad_lawyer57: yes ... I can bounce back
[19:31] bad_lawyer57: luckily!
[19:31] bad_lawyer57: particularly with your love
[19:31] bad_lawyer57: :)
[19:31] SH: lol
[19:31] SH: naughty
[19:31] SH: to add that in
[19:31] bad_lawyer57: :)
[19:32] bad_lawyer57: yes
[19:32] bad_lawyer57: sneaky!!!
[19:32] bad_lawyer57: oh well, I do love you! and do take strength from your love!
[19:32] SH: Well
[19:32] SH: even at times
[19:32] SH: to come
[19:32] SH: if i cannot be there
[19:32] SH: physically
[19:32] SH: u will know that part of me
[19:33] SH: is still with u
[19:33] SH: n i want u to continue to be strong
[19:33] bad_lawyer57: :)
[19:33] bad_lawyer57: that is a nice sentiment my darling
[19:33] SH: i mean it
[19:34] bad_lawyer57: yes, okay
[19:34] SH: yes ok
[19:34] SH: thats it
[19:34] SH: do not sound peeved now
[19:35] bad_lawyer57: oh? ... well, talk of the future can make me peeved, I suppose
[19:36] SH: ohh
[19:36] SH: sorry then
[19:36] SH: but ... we were talking
[19:36] bad_lawyer57: :)
[19:36] bad_lawyer57: yes, darling
[19:37] bad_lawyer57: its okay ... :)
[19:37] SH: :-*
[19:37] SH: >:D<
[19:37] SH: ok
[19:37] SH: Hon, I let u cook
[19:38] bad_lawyer57: :-*
[19:38] SH: and have some time to rest ... and do things
[19:38] bad_lawyer57: okay darling
[19:38] SH: u probably tired too
[19:38] bad_lawyer57: I love you very much
[19:38] bad_lawyer57: take care
[19:38] SH: Love u too
[19:38] bad_lawyer57: enjoy the Eid party tomorrow - I hope you do go to Croyden
[19:38] bad_lawyer57: talk to you Sunday night
[19:38] SH: I hope so too
[19:38] bad_lawyer57: :)
[19:38] bad_lawyer57: bye bye for now
[19:38] SH: hope my mood does not change tom
[19:38] SH: yes
[19:39] SH: bye for now
Session Close Fri Nov 03 19:39:24 2006

Session Start Fri Nov 03 19:39:32 2006
[19:39] SH: Cheer up!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
[19:39] bad_lawyer57: ha ha :)
[19:39] SH: Please do not be grumpy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
[19:39] bad_lawyer57: darling!
[19:39] bad_lawyer57: I am not grumpy!
[19:40] bad_lawyer57: I love you!
[19:40] bad_lawyer57: :)
[19:40] bad_lawyer57: kisses my love!
[19:40] SH: ok
[19:40] SH: kisses
[19:40] SH: bye
[19:40] bad_lawyer57: bye!
Session Close Fri Nov 03 19:40:53 2006