Atul's Thoughts

"@Rick: I actually know of some friends who like to be, if not in but in the proximity of a 'whirlpool'. In terms of psychology, though I am no last word on it, it seems that humans can think more focused when they are slightly sad or unhappy about something, and contrastingly, they can think more creatively if the levels of anxiety and unhappiness are low. Psychologist pit focus versus creativity on opposite sides. Of course, if the levels of anxiety go beyond a certain limit, then we have something called 'tunnel vision', a psychological phenomenon which does not allow the person to see the whole picture and take a rational decision. This goes back into our days of survival, when, if you were chased by a tiger, all you would focus on was to find a good tree to climb on. But if you had no tiger chasing you and you were just walking down the forest with Eve, you would notice all the flowers, the beautiful waterfall and you would probably look for a better tree to pick some fresh fruits from. Sometimes anxiety helps us takes decision that we may not like but might we want to take. I am doing some reasearch on this in 'emotional design' in softwares.

Interestingly I had been through that stage not long ago and I realized that jen's metaphore of a whirlpool really fits the psychological explaining. You are blinded or are at least short sighted, you say things which you do not mean, you forget long term life goals or meanings of relationships etc. It might be interesting to note, but most relationships of young people betweent 18 to 30 actually break due to 'tunnel vision'. When couples fights, they forget their long term life goals, their shared future plans, they forget all creative and hence positive aspects of their relation and are only concerned about hurting or revenge. This stage is brought in because of their partners hurting their egos or causing them anxiety. It is impossible to see logic in that stage... so strong a hold has our primitive man's brain on us, that we can never know when it will take over our logical peripheral brain.

That was the scientific side to it. Of course, I never thought of this when I was myself in this situation, and I can bet that even the most intelligent of psychologists cannot control this phenomenon in their minds entirely. Partly because its more of an instantaneous chemical reaction that leads to a psychological reaction. Our body ands mind are very interconnected. But you are right, it might be usefull, but its not good, and the decisions you might take in that stage might be severly incorrect or tinted in make belief or false ideals.

As they say 'its all in the mind'.

Meditate, and you will find peace. Atul."

Atul - what a dude you are (no, not a dud - a dude!).

Master

Walked to Canadian Tire. Got a box of wood screws the right size so I can put the bookcases together. Sunny walk on frozen frame lake. Got a rain-cheque for a barstool that might function as a guitar stool.

"He imagined bright, intelligent eyes in a man's sensitive face, a thin upper lip, soft, fair skin, a large frame that was carried with ease." (The Master, p. 10)

As I realized once that land ownership is actually a fraud in the sense that land abides but the human can not, so it strikes me how strenght and youth -- the substantial physical form "carried with ease" -- is a constant, but the individuals who embody this strength and youth are transitory. The fictional character described above was described in 1895. He is dead, if you can refer to the death of a fictional character. His strength and other qualities have long ago failed him. The words abide, or so it seems at least.

Two-a-day

Bought a paper journal. Only used it once so far in two weeks.

600 calories at the gym in the morning, 500 after work. A bit tiring really.

Collecting words to send to Sh when appropriate. Told her, even though I knew I shouldn't, that I thought her Mom had gone back to NY a long time ago. Mistake, for sure, but still she didn't seem to take her bad, at least not in the sense of being surly.

Need to send Deb a message.

Hit by a sudden sour throat this afternoon at work. No reason I should have gone to the gym feeling sick, but I did anyway. Obsession?

Memoir - Easter 1974

It was sunny then.

We were - some of us - coming down from LSD. In my memory my friends are there, but vague. I am vague to them.

We are in the west end, near Stanley Park. A strange place for suburban boys to be. A golf course, the buildings are tall. The sun soaks into everything, even my blue jeans. My hair is a fizzy halo in the sun. I am shaking a little. I am coming down. I concentrate on the coming down. Pass time, pass. Ross wants to eat. In my mind my stomach is a beaker of chemicals.