Reflection

Sometimes I get this wave of regret when I am thinking of how Sh will hurt me again and again. Of course, it is really my inability to turn my back on her because I love her so much that leads to the recurring dissapointment and heart-ache.

When she wouldn't let me stay with her in the room above Alan's shop, that reveals a certain detachment, a certain coldness.

That coldness, often becoming -- depending on the circumstances -- self-pity, will kill me. It is killing me already.